i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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