My Higher Power is John Stamos
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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