Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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