I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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