this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
