I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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