what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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