Farmville is her only friend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my liver is dry heaving
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were trust falling into bushes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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