It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
