this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
