they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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