well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
