its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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