But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
