I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
