I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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