Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
NoShamevember. You game?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
