please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
