You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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