i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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