youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
