the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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