Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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