I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
