remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
