the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
