Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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