He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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