Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
