Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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