I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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