i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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