Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
