So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Soap is not a condiment
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Randomize
