Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
