I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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