too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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