69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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