Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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