so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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