: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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