Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I did not marry a roomba.
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