I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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