My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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