i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
