I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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