Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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