i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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