How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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