You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
