Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
