I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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