This is not my ceiling
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
