I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
