if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
