i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
