I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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