I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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