when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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