Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she peed on how many people?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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