I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
