I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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