we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
