When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
