you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
