Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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