i think my tv is drunk
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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