never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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