College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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