You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
