my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
love makes seman taste better
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
