some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
