I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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