you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's official drugs can't kill me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
