So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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