remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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