i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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