I don't think brook has ever known best
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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