it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
