We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I want is dick and wine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
