After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
