I wanna bring you to show and tell
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
