the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
