I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found the puke drawer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
