sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
