Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
