i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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